Take Your Power Back

“Somewhere inside all of us is the power to change the world” – Roald Dahl

Take your power back, my Queens;
We might not have justice…
We might not have control over what happened with our perpetrators…
We might not have control over the opinions of others… We might not understand why…
The greatest news is that we have control over ourselves. We have control over taking our power back. We have control over how we feel and the strength we will gain from surviving these difficult situations.

“What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” – Kelly Clarkson

Take your power back, Queens;
Over the past few years, there have been more and more conversations about violence against women. More and more women are severely injured. More and more women in need of shelter. More and more women suffering silently.

“Turn your pain into power” – Oprah Winfrey

Here is a little bit of my most recent story…

I was with a man for 4 years. I fell in love so quickly and deeply. There was so much joy and excitement. We bought a home together. We raise my daughter together. His charms were out of this world. From cooking delicious meals, to cleaning our home so well, to playing with my daughter, and the fun family activities we did on the weekend. We laughed and had lots of fun!

From our first month of dating, he had already lied to me. I let it go. I pretended like it didn’t happen. I even lied to my own maternal grandmother to protect his reputation. His charms, his work ethic, his love and care for both Josiana and me surpassed all the red flags. Where your attention goes, energy flows; you might have heard this before. I was focusing on the positive. I was happy. Especially coming out of a toxic and abusive marriage. I had faith that this man was the right one that was sent to me.

However, that was until year 2 of our relationship arrived, my 30th birthday, to be more specific. It was such an important date for me. It was the change of decades. It was a milestone that I was so proud of. I had completed two degrees that were dear to my heart. I had survived becoming a single mom and was proud of the little girl my daughter was becoming. I was well into my career, completing my sixth year of flying. I had great friends, and a great relationship with my family. We were living in an abundance of blessings. Until the day of my 30th birthday arrived. We were not in the greatest space in our relationship. We were arguing a lot. We were both working a lot and not seeing each other much. At the time, my communication skills were not the best. I liked to avoid pain and conflict; my coping mechanism.

The night of the party, friends and family came over. We were having fun. He was drinking A LOT. I was getting worried. I was nervous. I was not having as much fun as I would have wanted. It was not the party vibes I had imagined. Toward the end of the evening, he was getting out of control. He was nagging me a lot. He was throwing my daughter in the air and almost dropping her to the ground as he was so intoxicated.

My mom lost it. She turned toward him and yelled, “ENOUGH! Stop it! Leave my daughter and granddaughter alone”. I remember the look in his eyes. It was like he became possessed. He became so frustrated. He became so mad. An angry beast was unleashed. My aunt had to hold him back with her whole body. He was coming for my mom. She tried to calm him down. I was terrified. I wanted him out of the house. After a few moments, he finally left for the night. I locked the door, closed my bedroom door, and went to sleep with my daughter. This was the beginning of the end.

One year and a half later, on December 24th, 2017, as I stood by the door in my work uniform, ready to go, I looked at him and said this is it. Today is the end.
I made the decision to leave, and I have never looked back. The door was closed for me and him. There was no way I would ever go back to him. For many years we stayed in contact for my daughter’s sake. For her, he was her dad. My heart was breaking that she was hurting. She was missing him. We decided to see each other so that my daughter would be able to spend time with him, and that was okay for me.

It was September 2020, to be exact. It was a beautiful fall day. My daughter and I drove to go visit him. The day went well. It was great. Until he started drinking. One beer after another. That level of stress I had felt on my birthday arrived again. The nervousness. Not knowing what was next, what kind of behaviour or attitude would arise. The evening ended with the police being called, me being bruised from my arms to my legs, my daughter crying, and both of us being in a complete state of shock.

The reason I wanted to share a part of my story is not for pity. It is not for fame. But rather, it is because I truly believe our personal stories are filled with power. Power that could literally transform someone’s life. In the hopes it inspires someone or lets someone know that she is not alone.
“Helping one person might not change the world, but it could change the world for one person”
– unknown

Take your Power back, Queens;Transformation is possible. Change is possible. Living a powerful and positive life is possible, even after tragic, difficult, and turbulent times such as experiencing violence.

Now, I am in a healthy, respectful, loving relationship and have been for the past 2 years. I have invested in myself and continue to do so. Most of all, I decided to take my power back. To work on myself. Be clear on who I wanted to be and what I wanted my life to be like. I surrounded myself with uplifting, loving and empowering women. As I am writing this article, I am being grateful and present to the fact that my sweetheart (without knowing my 30th birthday story) created the most amazing, memorable 35th birthday celebration for me! Thank you life!

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending” – C.S Lewis
We have a responsibility. The responsibility of educating the younger generations, our daughters, our sons. It is crucial that we speak to them about Eliminating Violence Against Women.

One Person at a Time.
One Woman at a Time.
Let’s Speak.
Let’s Talk about it.
Let’s connect women.
Let’s Empower each other instead of tearing each other down.

“Everyone has a responsibility to prevent and end violence against women and girls, starting by challenging the culture of discrimination that allows it to continue,” said United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon.

Remember: Take your power back.

Always with love, jessica dsb

Jessica De Serre Boissonneault

Entrepreneur. Author. Coach.

Women’s Empowerment Advocate.

About New Beginning Support Program

New Beginnings Support Program is a charity providing Women’s Economic Empowerment (WEE) and life stabilization solutions for under-served and racialized women. Through our education, Step-into-Success and internship programs we empower women to become self-confident, career-oriented and employable. Significant numbers of our clients are from Toronto and its BIPOC community.

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